How to annoy your friends through CrossFit

How to annoy your friends through CrossFit So you want to do Crossfit, fan-freakin tastic. You saw the Games on ESPN8  or hear your friends ranting about the Snatch WODS and how nasty Fran was. This is typical behavior for New CrossFitters. The thing they tend to forget is that not everyone is mentally ready for CrossFit quite yet and your friends get alienated through WOD talk.  So here are some tips to avoid making people send you to counseling for being in a cult. ….You know what? You don’t want friends anymore whose lives aren’t consumed by dreams of double unders and kipping ring dips….here are some simple tips to alienate them until they leave you alone: 1. NEVER STOP TALKING ABOUT CROSSFIT: You once had an interesting personality with a variety of interests. Those no longer matter. Screw varied music tastes…..what music puts you in beast mode? What books have you read? Kelly Starett has a new book. Is your sister having a child? Explain how children naturally can squat below parallel which is what you do IN CROSSFIT….then show the Doctors your awesome shin wound. 2. MAKE FUN OF EVERYONE THAT WORKS OUT DIFFERENTLY: Now that you have been doing CrossFit for 2 months you have seen the light. Everyone must do this. Everyone is only one WOD away from changing their life and they need to be shamed by you constantly hammering at their love of Zumba and using the Elliptical at the Globo Gym. Now go to a “Globo Gym” and laugh at all the people doing “non functional” isolation movements. Point and laugh and judge as loudly as possible. Go grab a dowel rob and practice the Burgener Warm Up for 20 mins and look around trying to make eye contact. Eventually someone will ask you what you are doing and NOW IS YOUR MOMENT TO SHINE! Convert them! 3. WEAR ONLY CROSSFIT CLOTHING: Trucker Cap from LifeAs Rx, T-shirt with a “douchey” saying like ” Our warmup steals the lunch money of your workout”, Rogue Board shorts, Compression tights, knee socks, and your Reebox “Air Fronings”…now time to go to Barnes and Noble. If a shirt doesn’t have a picture of A. Someone Overhead Squatting or B. A Kettlebell….throw it out. It no longer matters as it doesn’t let people know how Elite you are. 4. BECOME AN EXPERT: You have been CrossFit’ting for a couple of months now. Let everyone know that they should Zone their Paleo. You have read the Paleo Solution twice….okay the crib notes….okay you skimmed a blog. So that makes you a nutritionist.  Psshhh… Formal Education…… all run by big business.  You read a two page article that opened up the doors for you and know everyone must know.  Know go eat some more Paleo Brownies and Paleo Pancakes with sugar cured Bacon Sprinkles. Listen folks. I am a longtime CrossFit coach….before I get any Progenex dusted hate mail this is all in just good fun. I love what CrossFit started as and what it has transformed into. Every training modality has its own stereotypes and annoying folks.]]>